Nasa ‘Actually’ Plans To Lasso Asteroid “Closer” To Earth….

***Sounds like a ‘herculean’ task of…  almost “monumental” proportions!

Demanding the ‘undivided’ attentions of that ‘most’ dynamic of all  duos… introducing – from that eminent  classic…”Toy Story!”

Who else?

But none other… than those masterfully, and admittedly at times ‘madcap,’ but nevertheless heroic heroes: “Woody the Cowboy, & Buzz Lightyear!!!”

*If any further explanation could ‘possibly’ be required?

Buzz could fly the ‘space-horse,’ while Woody – would throw the rope, forthwith “lassoing” said… bucking wayward-bound, and somewhat frolicsome  – asteroid.

As the boys would redoubtably proclaim – to the university at large:


Read Some More Perhaps @… the HuffingtonPost?

As debt nearly “doubles” under the Coalition, and is actually now higher than ‘all’ the prior 13 years of the last Labour Government…

UK debt “doubles” to 1.5 trillion under this Coalition, and is actually higher than ‘all’ the prior 13 years of Labour Governments… voters believe austerity has starkly failed!

Indeed… the previous Labour Government  admittedly made a few mistakes, but spending too much – was “not” one of these; particularly… when you consider many countries spend far more as a proportion of their gross income!

However, we got the ‘balance’ wrong… it is a disgrace that there are millionaires, and “billionaires” in this country, who even in the very midst of the recession – their wealth actually ‘increased.’

Doubly  a disgrace, that when George Osborne cut the tax rate for the very richest in this country from 50% to just 45%… the average millionaire would be £14 000 per week  better off! This at a time… when people’s disability benefits – are being threatened, and actually a number… in fact too  many of these desperate despairing citizens – are resorting to committing suicide!

In stark contrast, if you are on benefits – many of these people will not see £14 000’s in
an entire  year…

I wish people would “wake up,”  and be fully informed of  the circumstances, which created the crisis, which fundamentally down to the huge inequalities in our society. For instance in ‘2012…’  right in the eye of the maelstrom of this crisis – the very richest people in the world, actually increased…  their wealth by at least a staggering  “250 billion dollars!”

Too many people seem to all too conveniently forget, this crisis started with the bankers in America, not  actually with our ‘then’ – Labour Government.

Also people are inclined to believe the ‘easy’ & too  simple excuses the ‘right wing’ press spin – in many of the newspapers, which they misinform the public with; instead of allowing the people to observe the actual  facts, and judge the situation for themselves!

The fundamental core of the problem – was not overspend… if it were – we would ‘not’ be living in a country, where people are sleeping homeless on our streets, and something akin to ‘1 in 5 children’  are still  born into poverty!!!

The problem in reality was, that not “enough” tax was taken from the wealthy in Britain – to balance and spread this burden fairly, and pay for the improvements in services… the people of the British Isles required, and undeniably deserved.

* The Labour Government did ‘not’ spend too much, the problem is – the wealthy here… have for far  too long been taxed disproportionally not enough!

If this were not the case, the ‘bankers’ in this country, and others, would not have taken the risks – they actually did; risks  at times so momentously gigantean, that the average person in Britain – has been left feeling agog… at the nature of the figures speculated. In truth the reality was… that bankers and those from a decidedly privileged background; who had so  much money… they did not in reality know the real value of this, and as a consequence – to the same extent, behaved equally irresponsibly!

Since… the financial sector of the economy and ‘particularly’ the bankers – who are more to blame than most, have in most respects – taken the least burden for the results of the crisis, but this more epitomises  the continuing gross inequalities, which pervades our society!

And, which I hasten to add “any” mainstream party, and I include UKIP in that equation – particularly considering their improved poll standing, and also because many people delude themselves that ‘they’ offer an easy… simple solution to the crisis. This is simply not  the case, because as with ‘all’ the mainstream political parties, they are not  prepared to tackle the greatest issue, which is without doubt – ultimately… the crass underlying social inequalities, which ‘insidiously’ eat away at Britain.

Even Labour – are more interested in appealing to those ‘most’ likely to vote – such as pensioners; I am thinking Hilary Benn’s objections  to the proposal that the very wealthy elderly of our country their ‘pensions and cold weather payments’ are stopped, when they most evidently do “not” need these! Yet we live in a country, where some people are struggling for the very basic necessities, and worse… cannot even afford to feed their children. This is lunacy and following safe dogma on Labour’s part… “dogma” something, which all the three main parties are guilty of falling into this insidious trap.

This is actually absurd, when you consider that the Government is currently cutting housing benefits, which is directly contributing to increased homelessness in the United Kingdom; not forgetting other equally effected vulnerable segments of the population struggling to survive on benefits! Families, and those with children… who cannot even be guaranteed a decent upbringing, including the basic right… to have access to nutritional food, and sufficient heating, and not neglecting of course… a good education – so the future is therefore brighter for everyone in our social society!

~ All this lack of generosity of spirit, and downright penny pinching… which is literally costing lives, and this  in a country – where we are ‘still’ remain one of the very richest nation’s in the world!

Find more information relating to this story here:

‘Share’ in the Inspiring… Literary Spirit of adventure!.

“Put it here!” “No ‘ere…?”
“You know what guys, next time we go to Glastonbury;
well there’s a lot to be said for the…

“traditional tent!”

Writer Looking for Exceptional Opportunity for Accommodation preferably in Scotland…
and if possible in Edinburgh?

Chosen BIG CoverHi, I am an author… looking for preferably an ‘unfurnished’ place to stay or rent– on a “Long or ‘short’ Term basis,  perhaps with the option of an extended stay… if mutually agreeable?

Alternatively, ideally seeking a Writing Retreat  to allow myself a break to finish my next book: The Tallest Dwarf

The primary priority in this pursuit… I wish to find a place to live, which is “friendly,” and will therefore – as a consequence… be relatively peaceful and conducive to my writing?

Frankly, I could quite happily live in cave – having prior to potentially having evicted none other than Captain Caveman if this offered the basic amenities, and some respite to write!

While, I have found I do’get a substantial level of support… a significant proportion of which arises from friends and I include a number of authors as such. In the past however, equally… a chap living by himself… and writing – particularly a “children’s” book, has not always been fairly accepted and received ‘without’ discrimination for this worthwhile meaningful pursuit, which I have endeavoured for this to be, and forthwith… has required – ‘nothing less…’ than an exceptional measure of dedication, and sacrifice!

My situation is such – that I require a lease of a reasonably flexible nature for accommodation, as I am currently in between ‘regular’ work… due in part – to the nature of my vocation.

Moving House      Lest us not forget please…*JK Rowling  was, but a single mother on benefits – when she penned “Harry Potter!” Neither let us… far more importantly, neglect to consider the ‘resounding’ effect ‘this’ book has had on the lives of children throughout  the world. Indeed, not a bad legacy for a    woman… who represented a portion of the population “single mothers on benefits,” which were much maligned, if not actually ‘vilified…’ by  the previous then “Conservative Government!”

It is my sincere belief that a mature progressive society… values a person for the merit of their character,  and the contribution they seek to make  to “our” civilization… ‘not’ merely superficial premises, based on little more than their position or status!


  • Zany Festive Book of Fun & Mayhem!!!

   ~ Please allow for some picture resolution potentially being lost in the transition of this email,
but original images can be seen via links comprised within…     

*Full Vibrantly Coloured Illustrations Enclosed! *               

   Have you perhaps ever so wondered, what the naughty children get for Christmas, and whosoever happens to deliver… these little rascal’s presents?

  If perhaps this is the case, without a shadow of a doubt…
this is the story for you!

Quirky Claus is the alternative tale of a mischievous Santa who with his not always so loyal of friends Timothy the Toucan or A.K.A: Timothy, (surname – Toucan) lives deep in the…
snowy depths of the South Pole.

However, be careful to be good before Christmas, because if Quirky Claus hears…
you “have” 
been naughty?

     You may instead get all kinds of strange and weird presents in your stocking: anything so surprising… as a long-necked giraffe, to even an extremely angry – fist-shaking armadillo!

*Reviews: Parents, Public, Authors…     *Quirky Claus Blog Tour…

The Tallest Dwarf!
… … … … … … …

* In respect to the actual property I would desire please:

So do you please have the usual amenities…

Such as phone-line, internet  for my penmanship for the purpose researching & the like?

Cooking facilities?

“Gas central heating” or any relatively ‘cheap’ alternative means of heat would be preferable please!

Recreational Pursuits in ‘every’ respect…

Nearly every day of the week – without fail… I go for a run up Arthur’s Seat this is not a euphemism for King Arthur’s trouser department! Nevertheless, I find this good – not just for fitness but contemplation; so if there are parks or woods nearby for this pursuit please – this would be exceptionally useful?

However please do ‘not’ allow this to detract from contacting myself, as “wherever” I have lived, I have always  discovered, on further investigation – a suitable place to follow this pursuit… and my overwhelming love of the outdoors.

Certainly, I would be glad of a landlord who values my conscientious, and decidedly honest  nature… rather than seeing this, and myself as some type of inconvenience… and ‘therefore’ shares my interest in ensuring the property reaches its highest potential?

  • I have numerous references… including previous landlords, specify issues… such as reliability as a tenant, and conscientiousness;  a political Councillor or two; others including a…
    Reverend friend.
  • Equally, I have the means of a deposit… and anything else, which may be requested?

*Please do not hesitate to get in touch; I am indeed looking forward to hearing from you; any & ‘all’ genuine opportunities will be considered?

You can contact myself via Twitter or Email:

And my telephone number is: 0784 9630935

~Ultimately we all… endeavour to struggle – for that, which we feel is worthwhile in striving for in our lives, and allows us to find the meaning we seek!

Your thanks… Sean Sebastian White

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt “Bans…” Gagging NHS ‘Whistleblowers!’.

Whistleblowers are Heroes

Whistle blowers bring much needed honesty, and transparency into the dark places of ‘any and all’ organisations; this is a gesture of courage, which should be respected, and most certainly…  protected!

The move some time back by this Government – to prevent the notorious gagging orders… should be welcomed. To criticise this move regardless of its merits, because it has been enacted by an unpopular Coalition… is as misguided in many respects, as the multitude of actual ill conceived polices, this Government “has” undoubtedly enforced!

We must not judge all politicians – as the same, for our convenience, whatever their allegiance or whichever persuasion they happen to be. In effect this is ‘as’ mistaken – as staunchly following a party ‘blindly’ and all its varying manifesto of its policies, whether they are right or not, regardless of what sense they actually make!

People should ‘objectively’ look at each policy and view it in context of what is best for the world, mankind, and ultimately their country, and by consequence society.

In this case, whatever  reason the Government have banned gagging orders preventing whistle blowers from speaking out, from within the NHS; the point is – this ‘is’ the right thing to do!

Ultimately rather than criticising the moves of individual parties, and labelling all politicians as untrustworthy; if people are looking for ‘long term’ & meaningful change, then this will only ever take place… when there is a “fundamental” and ‘wholehearted’ reform of our electoral system, and therefore my preference is to choose for forging a better future: Proportional Representation  as the most ‘accountable and transparent’ of the varying forms of electing – what are after all are…
our  representatives!

More on NHS

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Are we supposed to trust a “Westminster Government,” which…???

Things can be 'different' even perhaps... "better?"

Things can be ‘different’ even perhaps… “better!”

Are we supposed to trust  a Westminster Government, which has cut benefits for the sick, and disabled, have allowed ‘food poverty…’ a fundamental human right – to actually increase a staggering… “100 000’s fold?”

A Conservative Government, which says it will be the greenest yet, then has cut subsidies for Green Energy Alternatives,  and not to mention ‘fracking which has been proven to at times – create earthquakes… and poisons the groundwater we live  from, for thousands of years! Not to mention, it is also linked to reduced health, including respiratory problems, for those people to have the misfortunate, to be living in close proximity to a fracking site!

A policy, which I feel in reality actually  verges on the insane!

Not to mention the ‘huge’ social inequalities under this Government, as I said they are quite prepared to remove someone’s sickness benefit, resulting in people at least  a few dozen by the latest estimates… committing suicide, or dying  of starvation or belatedly on a hospital beds, after receiving a letter from the DWP expounding how they are ‘fit for work,’  both are cases which ‘have’  actually unfortunately happened, and too many times!

*Scottish father’s son suicide after ATOS test….

 However they then allow hunting rifles for the “elite plutocrats”  to be subsidised by the taxpayer to the tune of £150’s ‘each!’

All this, ‘and’ we have more billionaires  in this country ‘per head of population’ than “anywhere” in the world, but Westminster allows grinding poverty, which affects the wellbeing of children, and in reality
our entire  society!

It was a while ago I composed this, however lucklessly  this is still very relevant, gives a broader picture in respect of the gross inequalities, which blight our society:

The crass inequality, which exists in Britain today…

And let us be honest, the Government cannot even stick to its own manifesto proposals! Take for instance the Liberal Democrats, and their stance originally ‘against’ austerity, then when they had a chance of power… not to mention their full U-Turn  on tuition fees.

~Personally, I do not feel there is much purpose of power… in ‘any’ place in life, if you have lost those most meaningful of all things principles,  which motivated a party to try make positive use of this position, and therefore make a meaningful difference! They at best merely represent a cheap shadowed parody of what they were, at the worst  they are actually contributing to the policies, and problems which they initially strove to challenge.

Also there is another side to this story, in which if we proposed to get rid of Trident, this will save us “billions!” Not only that, but this opens up an opportunity for huge investment and growth, as you can see from this Twitter…

#YESFACT: Potential Jobs Boost for Firth of Clyde.

This will potentially create thousands of jobs, and further create additional revenue in the millions, if not… billions!

Please ‘think’ and see the situation for what it is. There are some disadvantages, but “YES….”
in stark comparison to what Scotland in reality potentially stands to gain…???

Stephen Fry & Pussy Riot had urged David Cameron & the… International Community To Ban Russia From Hosting the Winter Olympics Over Political Repression of People’s Rights!

The International Olympic Committee - is a travesty, and a betrayal of the values to which it should espouse, and represent... 'with' a sincere sense of integrity openness , and most of all freedom...

The International Olympic Committee: is a travesty, in its betrayal of the ‘values’ to which it should espouse, and represent… ‘with’ a sincere sense of – integrity, openness, but…
most importantly – freedom!

Author Note: In light of the indiscriminate action of the Russian Government against Ukraine it seems more poignant than ‘ever’ that we should have taken action some time back and boycotted these Olympics!

The recent controversy surrounding the Russia’s Winter Olympics… not to mention continuing complaints as to the damage the construction work has contributed to the environment, and the races indigenous to the area of the development! Also, the Russian’s Parliament’s recent introduction of homophobic legislation; this makes it a moral imperative, that we take an equally strong stance against this country’s increasing anti-democratic governance.

In its all too familiar attempts to subvert the truth – the Russian Regime is carrying out a further systematic  crackdown on the freedom of the press in the country:

~Russia Silencing Journalists.

After all, Greece is actually not only the home of the Olympic Games, but it is also the original birthplace of democracy… but ‘every’ time the International Olympic Committee  – are morally required to take a stance for what is ‘right…’ instead they seek to pitifully  absolve themselves of responsibility!

But the Olympic Movement… in too many respects… has not been the ‘flag ship’  for democracy throughout recent history – it should have been… harking right back to even the Black Civil Rights Movement  in America; particularly the incident, which took place at the 1968 games, which absolutely epitomises the International Olympic Committee’s crass adherence to convention, and their overt misplaced concern that the Olympic Games has an easy  ride – at the expense of what should be the more important priority, the principle of courage,  and those who seek to stand for what they passionately believe in,  which is of course , actually the values the Games should truly  represent!

As you can see in this article:

Black America will Understand…

The Olympic Committee spokesman, said of these brave men’s gesture: “this a deliberate and violent breach of the fundamental principles of the Olympic spirit.”

This is a absolute nonsense… the spirit of the Olympics should be ‘first’ and “foremost” the promotion of democracy, truth and the right to the peoples of the world to – freedom of expression. Whatever, the colour, race, religious belief, or of course ‘their sexual orientation!’

These are the “principles” the Olympic Movement… should be upholding, not in effect ‘colluding’ with the “blatant” prejudice and discrimination, which too many power corrupt regimes  of these countries are subjecting upon their ‘own’ people, and also therefore the… global community!

The Russian Regime is corrupt…  the false pretender President – Putin is  guilty of carrying out ‘all manner’ of abuses – against the people of Russia, from imprisonment to torture and murder!

# Here is a considerably lengthy  compendium – of the corrupt Regime’s abuse of power, and why we should ‘all’ be concerned about… the country, which is after all is still  – the second… in fact some would argue is ‘the’ biggest  – nuclear power in the world:

Mikhail Khodorkovsky,  arrested on “trumped” up charges of fraud, when he had challenged Putin the previous year about corruption in Russia, and actively supported & funded those who opposed the regime. As well, as many other brave individuals have fallen under his shadow. Yet we in the West we barely do anything, increasing the blood on our own hands. When Khodorkovsky was arrested we should have imposed some level of sanctions – then, instead of allowing Putin’s corrupt regime to remove dissent, and increase its power base, in the ten years – since.

He was arrested on 25 October 2003, to appear before investigators as a “witness,”  so right from the outset in this case, the Russian Authorities  behaved abhorrently dishonestly, and on a decidedly false pretence… as within hours of initially supposedly appearing as a witness, he was being taken into custody, and was charged with fraud:

Not forgetting of course… those outstandingly brave girls in Pussy Riot,  who since being shamefully and falsely imprisoned, have been assaulted and hospitalised for being overworked – at the jail they were in:

In fact what the girls are in reality having to endure amounts to little short of – torture; I just wish the women, and men – of the West, but particularly perhaps the… women of Western Europe… not in the least Britain – would realise what is actually at stake, and how much they risk squandering – when they do not choose to fully  fight for and progress their own rights, in a manner, which respects all of us… as equals. 

We must demonstrate the same spirit  and bravery Pussy Riot have, and others… around the world,
if we are ever to win ‘true’ freedom!!!  :

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Pick-up-a… Pick-up-a… ‘apparently’ a “Cosmic-Penguin?”.

Captain Jean Luc Picard... knew the Starship Enterprise, had discovered a unique phenomena, whey they stumbled across a 'giant galactic penguin!' Albeit,  he lamented... with no sight of his favourite brew - a cup of Earl Grey!

Captain Jean Luc Picard… knew the Starship Enterprise, had discovered a unique phenomena:
when they happened to stumble across a ‘giant galactic penguin!’
Albeit, he lamented alas…with evidently no discernable sight of his favourite tipple –
‘nothing less’ – than a piping hot cup of alluring… “Earl Grey!”

They may have coined the phrase the ‘Cosmic Penguin,’ for this astounding visage… but it hardly rolls off the proverbial tongue – now does it?

“ *As you can see – here… we have the spectacular sight of the magnificent…
‘interstellar constellations’ of: “

              ‘Taurus the Steadfast Bull; Leo the Brave and Fearless Lion; Scorpio… determined and reputedly the most #sexual of all the star signs,  and of course not forgetting – our most recently discovered edition to these heavenly bodies… the Perilous Penguin of Perpetuity : beware its floppy webbed feet, its inexhaustible predilection for krill, ‘and’ its predisposition for…
errrr  – falling over! ‘

              # This… I can ‘personally’ attest to of course… myself being a Scorpio – an’ all!

Disclaimer: # Sexual of all the star signs   This comment is ‘solely’ the opinion of the writer, and has not been affirmed by any  hitherto – present, prior or some other inconceivable daft bat;  who may be unfortunate enough to ‘date’ the author… in the present, foreseeable; ooooh, let’s be honest – ‘very’  distant future… I mean we’re talking: time travel, and quantum singularities  ‘ere!

Read more at the HuffPost…

A Time… to a Seize the Chance for Change!


Take Courage, and Seize the Future!

Take Courage, and Seize the Future!

“My… country, right or wrong” is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, “My mother, drunk or sober.”   G.K Chesterton

This is not a moment to be cynical… but to take the opportunity,  and to learn from the past; create a better future… as Dr John Davies expounded on his Scottish Independence in his speech:

“This is for the whole of mankind an inspiring example of a country inhabited by people basing their nationality, on civic  rather than ethnic identity.”

For any country in the world…  to base its values on those of principle,  rather than merely what has gone before… this is always a good thing!

 However nevertheless, personally… I do not wish to be part of a country, which thinks it even remotely acceptable that one million people visit food banks, and at the same time, we have more billionaires  per head of the population than anywhere in the world!

Or where the richest “1%” percent of Britain’s own the same amount of wealth as the entire bottom 54%  of the population. Although I refer to the term bottom  54% this of course staggeringly represents the ‘majority’ of our population, who are surviving from barely the crumbs, which happened to have fallen from the table of those at the very top.

 The Positive Future we could Seize…

The economy: We should be braver in respect of our currency concern, actually the
“Pound Scots” 
was the unit of currency in the Kingdom of Scotland before the kingdom united with England in 1770!

Can we ‘Scotland’ afford to be an independent country…

 “Edinburgh” is actually the richest city in the British Isles per head of population ‘not’ London, where there is more money generated but also has far more poverty and depravation!

 There is also a number of little told side to the economic story…

 By itself… Scotland, as an independent country rises  up many economic tables.

Also Scotland only spends 9.2% of the national average, but the country earns 9.9% therefore every person would be £800 a year better off in an independent country!

We also must ask ourselves do we also wish to accept the miserable record of inequality in Britain…? A testament to the divisive policies of ‘decades’  of Westminster Governments, under the Conservative, Liberal Democrats, and Labour?

Holding out for a Labour victory at the next election, well this same party has still allowed the crass ‘class distinction’ between those with  extend in the last 40 years! 

In fact it could safely be argued that we cannot afford to ‘not’ to be independent, when you consider we spend £127 per second on loans  Scotland did not take out, as you can read from this source:

The environment: We lead the world  in respect of renewable energy,  and countries from across the planet are investing in us, in fact we are hailed in many respects the… Silicon Valley of Renewables!

I wish those who are in a position of responsibility such as celebrities… would be aware of the historical facts before commenting on Scotland’s future. As Malcolm X   exclaimed in his renowned speech:

“We did not so much land on Plymouth Rock… Plymouth Rock landed  on us!”

They are the sentiments of many people living in Scotland; however when some misinformed celebrity, who I respect in many ways claims we should grateful for the Union, and being born English I am not particularly proud of my prior country.

The truth is, I love  England, but this is precisely  the reason why I am so unhappy with the actual direction the Westminster Government is taking, the austerity measures, which the Liberal Democrats did not believe in, until they had they took the opportunity power over principle, the attacks on our welfare system, and the underhand, but systematic attacks on our NHS, and the entire ravaging of the social fabric of British society.

Neither is it unpatriotic for someone born English to vote for independence!  The Union as it stands, from my perspective is more akin to an abusive relationship, where one partner dominates over the interests of the other. At the very best there are elements of co-dependency, which does not make for a healthy relationship, and in reality this is neither in the interests of Scotland or England!

Far better that we go it alone, and set an example for England, and instead represent those more noble traits of humanity, fairness,  and compassion and demonstrate how much better in reality things can, and actually should be. Otherwise there is little point in being alive, if we are merely struggling for money.

In this, as in everything in life people… Scottish and British alike, we should seek to…

Be your own heroes…?

Unlike others perhaps, I will admit there is some economic risk; however personally I would rather seize this opportunity… than live my life in regret!

And if you still have reservations, as to which way to vote… ask yourself these questions. Of the two camps yes and no,  of these, who demonstrates the most sincere passion, humour, zest for life, and vision in the future? Which of these two positions enthuses your own  heart… 

Whose argument, is based on hope,  and not fear?

Take courage, cast aside your doubts, and place your belief in those far more worthy and treasured of values: in hope for the future,  for your children,  and for your… country!

We deserve better…

Syria Uprising: We may cast a critical eye on the ‘human rights’ abuses of the First… and Second World Wars; however ‘we’ similarly neglect – to take action to prevent… crimes against humanity, which in many respects amounts to –nothing short of genocide!

The lies we tell ourselves to allow ourselves to feel - comfortable, while 'innocents' die "murdered" by cruel barbaric regimes!

The lies we tell ourselves to feel comfortable, while ‘innocents’ die… “murdered” by cruel barbaric regimes!

‘ It’s nothing to do with us…’  “apparently!”

How can we utter these monotonous narratives…   when ‘children’  are being forced to fight, because ‘they’ and actually their families  are struggling to survive, and facing the stark alternatives of being massacred, or imprisoned and tortured and the countless… other crimes perpetrated against the people of Syria?

Under such circumstances, placing a gun… in your child’s hands, is better than – that child facing these possible alternatives.

For that matter, is there much point in you,  your family, and children… living, if they are unable to actually live – freely?

Nevertheless far… ‘far’   too many people with the Syria issue – have an attitude of:

          “See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil!”

And instead of rightly being appalled at the plight of the Syrian People, and the subsequent lengths they have to resort to – just to survive, because we  are allowing  for this state of affairs to continue, and indeed in fact – deteriorate; I have actually heard on the contrary –  people crassly describing these brave citizens of Syria as terrorists…  which is the precise reason… I felt compelled to write this article.

Indeed, I think it would be another matter entirely… if it were people’s own  children, and ‘their’ families, who were being persecuted – instead,here ‘ in the comparatively comfortable and safe West!

If we are not prepared to care enough… to protect the rights and freedoms of others, then we are actually – equally…  not valuing our own rights, and by default – taking these for granted; therefore… as a consequence, we risk the demise of our very own liberties.

# In fact a report has stated in respect of the four year battle for liberation – the Syrian conflict was “disturbingly unique” in its deliberate targeting of children,  warning that ‘no child was now safe.’

My criticism of the “no war brigade” is that they utter this mantra ‘whatever’ the circumstances… and it is reflects a position of… I couldn’t care less  masquerading as moral stance!

Too often, in regard to this topic, I see ‘over-riding’ ignorance prevailing of the reality of how this conflict came to pass with initially children scrawling anti-Assad graffiti, and being captured and tortured by Government troop… then peaceful protests arising as a response, and these protesters being fired on by the Assad Regime with gunships!

As we see Samantha Cameron  visiting Lebanon – in the HuffPost article link at the end of this piece, I would ask please for: ‘ Less words, and “more” action? ‘ We ‘should’ at the very least  instigate a “No Fly Zone” over Syria, and ‘neutralize’ once and for all…  the advantage of ‘air capability,’ this repressive undemocratic regime – has over those “many” who sincerely desire, and are fighting with their lives – for the freedom of Syria!

The development of Assad Regime: using gas nerve agent against civilians… including “426 children,” let us not delude ourselves – these are no worse than any of the other heinous crimes committed during the First and Second World Wars… alarmingly similar in fact to the ‘millions’  of Jews gassed in concentration camps…  because we ‘chose’ not to act or certainly – soon enough!

The ‘world’ at the time promised  they would not “ever” again stand by, and watch… while such atrocities are perpetrated, but seemingly – we are!

When we do not stand should to shoulder… with those in desperate need, and are not prepared to defend their rights… we actually risk demeaning our own.

            More on UK NEWS Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Syria Dossier’s: Inaction will give the ‘green light’ to the Assad Regime to carry out – yet more atrocities!


Worst humanitarian crime ‘this’ century…
Yet once – Great Britain, has decided to turn
a blind eye. The Conservatives did actually try to act, but were blocked by Labour…

~ Over… potentially a thousand: Men, women, and children…  have been cruelly killed by a ‘gas’ attack in Syria on Wednesday 21st of August, and this is indeed… an exceptionally – terrible way to die! The very same day after – the British Parliament’s disgraceful voted  ‘no’ to taking military action – when this was placed before the Commons… in a snub to international opinion, and ‘basic’ humanitarian rights… a “primary school” in the North of the country was ‘napalmed’ by Syrian force’s jets.

         Yet still  even now… too many of the British ‘public,’ and elsewhere in the Western World… refute the need to take firm,  and decisive  measures – against the Syrian Regime!

          Those people who object to ourselves intervening, can we take it, in this case – that they would also have stood by during the ‘Second World War…’ when it came to the Jewish  people being “gassed,” in their millions – in the Nazi concentration camps? Because I… for one, do not see the difference… if you think there is, then you are evidently in denial – as to in real reality , and the dire dangers the people of Syria have in fact… been facing ‘every’ single day, for nearly three years; who let us not forget… and I know many people conveniently wish to do, but the Syrian people on mass  first began to fight for their freedom, by protesting… “peacefully!!!”

           There are far too many people speaking “blindly…” repeating the cliché mantra of – ‘no war!’ Do these individuals think the Syrian People like – war… absolutely not!  War was forced upon them, when they – stood up bravely… to speak out for the same freedoms, these people who wish ‘selfishly’ not to take action to defend the liberties of others… apparently take for granted!

*In conclusion: to deny what is actually happening in Syria – now, can be considered no better, and as misguided – in attitude  than those who were the at ‘best’ were described as the “holocaust deniers…” of the Second World War!

           At the very worst… this is an exercise in selfish self indulgent denial…  by those who are seemingly prepared to stand by, while men, woman and children – are slaughtered!

 ” If we do not learn from the lessons of history… we are doomed to repeat them! “

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Nothing less than perhaps the very: ‘ Bear Necessities… ‘ of life?

Yogi Bear...  Runs amok - having depleted his last - picnic hampers!

Yogi Bear: Runs amok, having depleted the very last of the…
Yellow Stone’s Park’s tourists’ reserves… of ‘picnic hampers!’

~ Click the image above to watch the Video, and the links ‘below…’ one of which, connects with our favourite inimitable character: ‘Baloo’ from that classic… “Jungle Book!”    * Witness him swing – and indeed… ‘scat’ with redoubtable style and panache – all in the very same jaunty routine!

However, I cannot think why this Colorado restaurant, which specialises in German cuisine – 
is growling,  like the proverbial… bear with a sore head?’

#  This particular Grizzly is after all… I suspect, just ensuring he is gathering – in his rummaging, nothing short of the: ‘Bear Necessities!’

On a personal note: I’ve really acquired something of an inclination towards having my own pet:
Grizzly Bear… “ or giraffe, or perhaps an armadillo… there happens actually to be a particularly  fetching, although – irate example of one these critters… in my rather zany children’s book title: Quirky Claus!

However, I haven’t quite decided yet, which of these furry, and scaled, indeed a veritable – menagerie of options…  to actually plump for.

~ All donations towards this intrepid, and noble endeavour… will  be ‘gratefully’ received?

As Nelson Mandela dies… the historical leader of the anti-apartheid movement – who bravely fought his own battles… in his latter days with his legacy of respiratory problems; how does his legacy compare with Margaret Thatcher’s… who many believe was a tacit supporter, in her polices – at least, of the South African racist Regime?

*Thoughts: On the passing of Nelson Mandela, and his longevity... in outliving one of his fiercest critics - Mrs Thatcher, albeit struggling greatly in the latter stages of his life, and their 'starkly' contrasting contributions... to 'our' society, and in fact - the world!

 Add Media *Thoughts: On the passing of Nelson Mandela, and his longevity… in outliving one of his fiercest critics – Mrs Thatcher, albeit struggling greatly in the latter stages of his life, and their ‘starkly’ contrasting contributions… to ‘our’ society, and in fact – the world!

In the wake of Nelson Mandela’s passing… and his memorial service – I believe it is time to consider the of this great man, and one of his notorious counterparts.

# Nevertheless, it is better I feel… to allow people to arrive at their ‘own’ conclusions in regard to what…

Margaret Thatcher’s legacy – should actually be?

However, for my own part, I do wonder if there is a sense of…  poetic justice?

Nelson Mandela – the man she actually branded a terrorist, who had his own health scare only recently and who has been struggling greatly since, but appeared for a time – to be on the mend, before ultimately taking his final bow.

He had nevertheless – outlived our own prior Prime Minister…. Mrs Thatcher!

Whom I believe – in effect, at the very “least” actually gave ‘tacit’ support… to racism and segregation in South Africa – by continuing to do business – as usual, with this regime; when decisive action  was required – not a state of at the very ‘best…’   almost – apoplectic apathy.

*An alternative perspective from a young African… ‘challenging, provocative and controversial.’

Or read more of the Article at HuffingtonPost:

Arm the opposition? For those who ‘fight’ against the Assad Regime, ‘and’ seemingly now – Hezbollah, who are actively supporting this discredited Government!

Syria Man & Child!!!

*How on earth can people disagree with arming the Syrian Rebels?
Where in this great battle for the ‘right to the freedom of expression,’ and for the people of Syria to choose the course of their lives… where are ‘consciences,’ and the rightful sense of indignant injustice we should be feeling for the Syrian People’s plight?

             Where are…  our consciences?

One of the near countless  incidents, which sparked this war… was in fact a group of children who were caught by the Regime: scrawling anti-Assad messages on a wall, and were consequently captured and tortured – by having their fingernails pulled out!

              This is not a group of terrorists trying to overthrow a respectable fair minded State, a representative of democracy in any  sense; these are people fighting for their very existence, the right to govern themselves, and actually determine their own lives!

            The Syrian Regime, is committing genocide, murder, rape, torture, and imprisonment of ‘any’ and all of its opponents; what more atrocities does this cruel despotic Government have to indulge in exactly, for we – the ‘West…’ to finally get some backbone  and feel we must  rightly intervene?

            Those people in the West who lazily label the Syrian people as terrorists  – who are instead fighting for their lives and freedom; these people in the West who adopt the attitude of “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil,”  conveniently forget the Syrian people did  attempt a “peaceful” uprising, but were shot and bombed, and ‘worse’ for their brave stance against a dictatorship, which is intent on stamping out the merest sign of dissent! They, the ‘people of Syria…’ as a result were left with little alternative – than to bear arms.

            Not forgetting, when many members of the Syrian army, who ‘stoically’ refused to fight or carry out atrocities – in the name of Assad, and were usually consequently summarily shot on the spot!  Other brave individuals – deserted, taking up the cause, and forming the courageous ranks of forces ‘such as the Free Syrian Army!’

           On Wednesday hundreds were reported dead in an alleged gas attack A Call to Action…  by the Assad Regime on the suburbs of Damascus! This comes on top of a prior reported incident, only a short while ago…  yet another reported massacre of men, women, and ‘children.’

            In this conflict and these people’s brave and stoic fight for liberty against overwhelming odds…  this term has almost become a Cliché,  which is an atrocious indictment of the world’s crass indifference, and lack of meaningful action taken – in resolving this conflict.

           If the Assad Regime were to achieve victory, and I ‘do’ believe the human spirit will triumph, and this despotic dictatorship will  be overthrown! Nevertheless, consider for just a moment please… the consequences of the Assad Regime succeeding? This regime is supported by without doubt – those with real  terrorist links: Hezbollah, and Iran just to mention a few!

Also Russia… yet another Government, which murders, tortures and imprisons its opponents… has military installations situated in Syria and therefore is actively  supporting the Asad Regime.

           What is more… the fledging democracies of both Iraq, and Afghanistan have come under renewed threat recently, by internal struggles, and external pressures – including Iran, which attempts to subvert both of these countries, because in reality ‘many’ in the Iranian Regime, do not wish to have a democracy for their own people, and see such as these… emerging democracies as a genuine threat to their own repressive regimes; and what is more… they absolutely  are! They shine the light of hope for people, who wish to see a better future for not just the select few, but all!

           Yes, both Iraq and Afghanistan are admittedly endeavouring to evolve into mature democracies… in fact in many respects, have recently come under pressure like never before, and deserve our sincere and continued support. Nevertheless, they also have acted like a beacon of hope in the Middle East for the Arab uprising,  and those who protested in Iran after the ‘largely believed’ 2009…   flawed election.

            Please do not underestimate how much is at stake here; the Free Syrian Army, are not  just fighting for their people’s freedom, but also actually – in reality, the stability and the huge potential for a balanced, fair and open democracy – in the region of the troubled Middle East, and therefore of course, the future prosperity, and progress, of in fact – our own  society, if not the world!

             Ultimately we face a stark contrast, if Assad were allowed  to succeed, and this is what the fundamental question really boils down to… because we have more than the necessary capability to end this conflict – if we applied the will, and therefore the force of arms…  potentially within a matter of just a few weeks  this conflict could be over; leaving the Syrian People free to choose the course of their ‘own’ lives, which is a fundamental   human right! We must neither forget that – Hezbollah, who have now been classed as a terrorist  organisation by Europe… that they alongside others are supporting the Assad forces, but if  this barbaric regime – were to succeed, the ramifications for the people of Syria, and in fact the world… would be nothing short of a – catastrophe.

              This is not to speak of the fact… that AL Qaeda has also become increasingly  involved seeking to spread their influence throughout the world. AL Qaeda… were reportedly to have recently captured and tortured a little girl…  to death, due to the simple fact… her family happened to be of the wrong  religious grouping!

# Alternatively, if the Free Syrian Forces were to overthrow their oppressors… then this would be another significant turning point, perhaps even a tipping…  point for democracy – in not only the Middle East, but for ‘mankind’ throughout the planet.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost


American deficit projected to fall 2/3rds of what this was in 2009 to $368 billion dollars in 2015…!

Stark contrast with the British Isles ‘Conservative’ approach… right back in 2013 evidence of America’s 38th consecutive month of unemployment falls ! Since this time, the American deficit has shrunk “6 years” in a distinct divergence to that of the UK.

If you ‘panic’ with any  problem in life… you ultimately just exacerbate, and make an already difficult situation – worse!

The cuts the Republicans were attempting to enforce on America, were clearly a mistake, and driven by fear… not  ‘rational’ policy, and decision making.

The ‘economic stimulus’ package the Democrats, and Obama have put forward has  worked! America has actually had an entire ’38 consecutive months’ of falling  unemployment, when I originally scribed this post, and now this figure, and the subsequent fall in the deficit – are actually far more impressive!

In Britain, where our Government has misguidedly – taken the ‘entirely’ opposing approach, yet… ‘once more’  unemployment actually increased  at the time of the release of the US jobs data; presently in the subsequent few months, it has fallen marginally, but the contrast between America’s and our own record remains… stark! The British Conservative Government’s (ie: UK equivalent of the Republicans) record on unemployment has been nothing short of miserable – in comparison to America’s.

If we had a leader… who in the midst of a global financial crisis, managed to bring down the unemployment rate for “38 consecutive months,” and now America has a potentially estimated massive  reduction in their deficit; on both accounts ‘unlike’ my own country of Britain, which has been run by a floundering Conservative and Liberal Democrat – alliance,  which has ‘unwisely’ taken unfortunately an entirely  regressive, and introspective approach!

This lacks the courage of having a vision or a dream…  which are actually the principles the
United States of America  was founded upon.

The facts  ‘ultimately’ speak for themselves!

Please let ourselves learn these heady, but enlightening lessons?

*Austerity absolutely  does “not” work! The ‘facts’ speak for themselves.

You do not “cut” a person’s legs from asunder, when he is struggling to get to his feet! This is actually… just pure ‘common sense!’

***The profound conclusion is, as it ‘always’ has been throughout our history:

 Trust in “hope…”  heed ‘not’ fear!

More on Deficit
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Admittedly… Somewhat Embarrassingly Pitiful, ‘and’ Just Perhaps – ‘Maybe…’ Not so ‘Quite’ Spurious… Claims to Fame:


Esteemed Astrophysicist Brian Cox… demonstrating the Tardis – he desperately wishes he could zip back in time within, and perhaps order a more comprehensively diverse sandwich! This would then perhaps be a precursory – for the professor to have the fortuitous opportunity…
to bump into my ‘good self.’
*It’s the ‘sliding doors’ principle or ‘parallel universe’ – hypothesis!
Well, you’ll just have to alas… live in hope – Brian!

# In descending… or ‘ascending’ order – depending on ye olde perspective?

Joanne Harris:  Kindly linked to my website, WWW.QUIRKYCLAUS.COM, after I met this best-selling author – at the annual Ilkely Literary Festival,  despite the fact that the staff there objected profusely, that the likes of mere me – would have the audacity to even ask to speak to her! Anyone would think… that I had proposed kidnapping the queens corgis  (notice not a capital there please, cos I aint no royalist – bring back the Roundheads!  ) ‘and’ consequently intended entering these – pampered pooches:  in the ‘ten past four chase’ – down at the local greyhound track! Was only but a few years – mind, before she finally realised what a total…    No, apparently…  she could not keep up with the numerous requests for links from other aspiring authors, although of course – may I add, of no doubt… a ‘far’ less deserving calibre.

Well, ‘I’ for one believe her – dammit!  Jests aside…  it twas indeed a gesture, which I
greatly appreciated!

Brian Cox:  Twas him – for sure!  I think I may have been in Ireland… too long – on the ascertained on the basis of the prior comment; beejezus… ruddy ‘ell – there I go again! Nevertheless, I encountered Mr Cox in a sandwich shop in Leeds… this  ‘light years’ before… he presented the ‘Wonders of the Universe’ series, and was however just a mere twinkling nova – in some hinterland of a constellation, unbeknownst, but  to a few fellow nerds, and geeks… sorry: visionaries, astrophysicists, and eminent star gazers;  such as me good self – of course!

Alan Bennet:  I did see this author of – apparently…  many a noted piece , in a bookshop, once again at the Ilkley Lit festival! This was while – I myself, was attempting to push my own title… on the likes of any  unwitting punters, victims, no – that’s even worse… sorry “customers!”

Dom Joly:  Stole one of my, sorry, there’s me again – begorra… ‘was kind enough to partake of’ – one of my books at the very same festival, on the pretence it seems… that not only would his children be interested in the story, but he would endeavour to do more, and for myself – to achieve the status of: Preeminent Literary Genius or Galactic Overlord…  well one or tother!  More on this later…

Nonetheless, this was after after Mr Joly…  concluded his own speech on his – at the time, newly released title… Letters to my Golf Club  I had stood up and touted my own book in a questions  and answers session:  Quirky Claus, ‘hopefully’ but exceptionally – doubtfully…  at the expense of the promotion of his own title; nevertheless this was in front of ‘300’ or more people – oh the outrageous audacity. Notwithstanding this, he did profusely expound… in as many words, ‘he may be able to do something with the book’  but I never heard a sausage… indeed to coin a phrase, in fact – flamin’ bugger all!  No bitterness there whatsoever…  honest!

Dick & Dom of…’In the Bungalow’ fame:  I spoke to this gruesome twosome – on Radio One, when they sat in for an absent DJ, and presented the BBC breakfast show! I say spoke to, they actually – cut me off…  when I happened to arguably brazenly  – in the midst of the quiz they were hosting, tried to promote my book.

*One must… forever endeavour, and heroically  tally forth… regardless! Unfortunately, at times – however, I have to confess it feels more  reminiscent of the: Charge of the Light Brigade!

Phil Jupitus:  Took some of my work at the Edinburgh Festival and promised to get back to me… he hasn’t – turnip  that he is!!! Anyway, I have to confess… I always thought he was called Phil Jupiter, as in the planet – on account of his proportions; sorry I better retract that, as I met him, again, but a few days ago, ‘and’ he has considerably  slimmed down, since the days he was the burly jester we saw… some years ago! Ok… on account of his huge comical person, and vast plethora of resources?

Anyhow… evidently I was somewhat wrong, and true to tradition… he hasn’t returned – since… nutmeg that he is… sorry! Or perhaps it is a case, that you would have more chance of actually visiting the  planet Jupiter on a Roman Candle,  than for his namesake – to ever return to you? Ooooh hark… let us relent the fickle shallow façade, which is indeed at times…  ‘celebrity!’

~ Sure it isn’t really the case… and the blokes gotta sense of humour – after all!

Please don’t sue me…?

Iain M Banks:  Also  partook of some of my work, withal I had the impression he did not really want to in reality! Relentlessly  beat the buggers down,  that’s tis my motto… they’re gonna have to relent at some point.

Vinny Jones:  Once called me a F****** C***…  This was in the 80’s when the t*ss*r… sorry – ‘footballer’ played for Leeds United – apparently, and yes they were in the top division; ooooh ‘so’ long ago! At the time, I was doing a celeb fundraising gig for Greenpeace, and I was in the VIP lounge in the then premier  nightclub in Leeds Mr Craig’s… no less;  I know you’ve never heard of it… oh the fleeting fickle transitory nature of – fame.  I digress; but well not knowing who the hell he actually was…  even though there were more than half a dozen gals jumping around him – akin to something resembling a demented bevy of:  jackin’ the boxes… proclaiming his name repeatedly – in high pitched oestrogen drenched screams,  to all and sundry! No doubt with the hope of having the illustrious opportunity of sleeping with him. Oh indeed… how far feminism has progressed, and to think: it was just over a 100 years ago ‘when’ the Suffragettes won the right for women to have their vote!”  Often enduring being imprisoned, force-fed, and many dying in the process.
Something tells me – this is not exactly  what they had in mind!

I digress…

*In any case… will someone please elaborate further, as to what it is exactly with: two dozen men – kicking a spherical object around, a large rectangular shaped piece of grass – for a mind numbing, and get this: one and a half hours…  that this is so ruddy appealing?  Personally, I’d rather claw me eyes out… with a blunt teaspoon!

The British Canoeing Team:  I travelled around Europe – with these guys at the age of “7,” and yes… I was that good! No, I confess, it was the fact that – me mum actually did the catering for them, and I just hung along for the ride… or rather swim.  Unfortunately, as I stated misguidedly  in a school report, “She did favours for them.” All jests aside, this was undoubtedly one of the best, if not the  best experience of me humble crumble apple pie  – life.

Nonetheless – I can categorically state the British canoeing team, who proudly stood for Great Britain,  were – without doubt actually – certifiably craaaazy,  and not so much stoically represented our country – with dignity,  but availed themselves of absolutely ever opportunity proffered… to embarrass our little green island to their full potential!  After all, this is what being British is really  all about… is it not – people of this great isle? Tea, and crumpets… Vicar?

In this time, we travelled to both: Austria  and Germany;  won a heap of medals, and every time – one of the Brits were in the latter country… they would hurl themselves with berserk  unfettered enthusiasm, from the winning podium – into the thrashing waters of the course below, with no life jacket speak of, despite the fact, that I had heard people had actually died in these tumultuous waters. Yes, it was fair to say, that the British had something of a reputation. Not to mention that I actually persuaded me on one occasion, to jump in as they swam or rather flowed fast – at speed, past me, at an age when I had the swimming abilities of a brick;  I did have a life jacket, but still managed to genuinely  – nearly drowned! This is what happens when you have the aquatic constitution of a – brick!

*Can I say to the team: if you are still – out there chaps… “Biggles on!”   They will know precisely what I mean…  on the other hand, I’m not entirely  sure – I do? Let me elaborate… the team used to do this thing where they would mimic flying goggles on their eyes with their hands inverted. For instance they were in German cafeteria – one time, and someone shouted “Biggles on!” and everybody had to do this – as many of the team were walking back to their tables with laden trays – there was a much a loud clattering of crockery and cutlery, and more than a few bemused looks from the Germans. Biggles  of course… refers to the flying ace from ye olden times –  I happened to read one of his books… not one of ‘his’ actual books you understand – as he was purely a fictional character; however he would embark on many a high-adventure, fighting countless cunning villains, Nazi’s, and not forgetting a number of barbaric primitive tribesmen (I said it was fun,  not particularly – politically correct… give me a break, why don’t you?) as I recall, these adventures were set anywhere, from the ‘darkest depths Africa…’ to the vast impenetrable undiscovered – forests of the ‘Amazonian Basin.’ He was of a distinctly Indiana Jones style – persuasion, but with wings!

Rowan Atkinson:  Nonetheless, I am also distantly  related to none other than Mr Black Adder himself – apparently. But then again, what is that philsophy of 6 degrees of separation?   A large proportion of us are probably distantly related to Ghenkis Khan and Hitler… that’s not sommat I’m particular going to boast of, and practice my goose stepping down the drive, if this were the case! Nevertheless, I know our royal family have supposedly German routes, but I do not see anyone shouting that evident fact from the rooftops. Did you know, in our recent history –  just a couple of hundred thousand years ago; that the the human population collapsed to just a mere 2000 or so?  We very nearly became extinct! So in actuality we are all related relatively closely – to everybody else, on this little blue ball of rock, we apparently call Earth! Something to indeed – ponder upon…

Grumble Weeds:  I am somehow related to this bizarrely eccentric 70’s comedic music group…
do not ask me how?grumbleweeds 57%

        All, I know is… for a few years – they kept on turning up at every  family wedding, like talentless apparitions  heralding from the ‘Northern Cabaret Circuit,’ only jesting chaps! This was back in the 70/80’s as I recall, for whatever reason there seemed to be a preponderous glut of them –  around this period… without doubt top calibre entertainment!  Yep indeed, it’ll never get much better than those there – Grumbleweeds… ye all!

Dusty Bin:  My grandpop’s used to actually know the person who made this contraption… sorry – persona.  You know as in the gameshow “321″  fame, with Ted Rogers? How the ‘ell did he do that thing with his fingers, and his best friend bein’ a bin an’ all? Not just  one of your regular “run of the mill” variety either – I’ll ‘ave you know, but a decidedly dusty  one at that! Some people indeed… have all the luck.

The Wonder Stuff:  In the Dry Dock  tavern in Leeds, I had a game of pool with a member of the 90’s band, well I say play… with the band, it was actually in particular – for some unfathomable  reason a ‘dwarf’ whom they had supporting them, whilst one of the regular-sized members of the band – watched on bemused. The embarrassing fact was, while this chap, of a vertically challenged disposition, even though essentially – he could barely reach the table, he still beat the beejezus  out of me! Evidently, I did not present a sufficient enough of a ‘competitive challenge’ in the beating of this little midget…   (obviously no sore feelings, whatsoever)  In fact it is fair enough to say, that ‘I’ did not pose the prospect in the slightest  for potentially – building up his  problems: To The size of a cow!!!”

Kelly Brook:  Oh, and not forgetting… there was that time – I astral projected,  and had a twilight illicit liason with this rather adorable female siren! Notwithstanding this fact, I still maintain, when she was on The Big Breakfast  Kelly – was ‘the’ best female presenter ever,  despite, I believe criticisms to the contrary… no genuinely! 

I have to confess in actuality – the affair was actually so very illicit, that she remains entirely unaware of it… right to this very day! So I wouldn’t go reminding her?  Oh… the turbulent unfathomable,  and tempestuous waters of – true love! I wonder if she’s still got that ‘George Formby Teaches Banjo in Six Easy Lessons…’ cassette – we swapped, for her copy of – ‘Rolf Harris Tutors the… Kazoo, and Didjeridu?’

Actually, in retrospect, if you do see her… would you ask Ms Brook if I could – after all… “have it back please?”  This… and the snake charming pipe, which I would ‘tootle,’ many a merry tune upon, while donning my rather fetching – pink tutu…  as I serenaded this delicious: siren of wanton delight?

Oh the fun we would have, in my somewhat: vivid, borderline-obsessive,  and certainly –